How Overvaluing Others’ Voices Can Undermine Your Own

A Producer’s promise to find her voice by listening a little less

I grew up as the youngest child in a family whose attention was often diverted to the firstborn. My big sister was the headliner in the family (she won a Michael Jackson impersonation contest at the age of 7!), and while I was often recruited as a backup dancer in her home theater extravaganzas, I spent the majority of my childhood following the leader. I didn’t mind. I loved my big sister and she looked out for me (more on how she saved me from a butt whooping on a playground in another post).

Growing up with an outspoken older sister who bossed me around (“No, you can’t go to sleep — I’ve not finished my story!”) had a silver lining — I became a REALLY good listener — a skill that has enabled me to make friends quickly, and professionally, has played a significant role in my ability to collaborate with people from all walks of life and varying temperaments. Throughout my producing career, I’ve built a reputation as a trustworthy person fellow Producers, crew, and cast could turn to to vent their frustrations — if TED Talks were TED Listens, I’d be the Simon Sinek of that world — and shift their focus to creating solutions. I’m proud of this, but being a good listener has also meant that I’ve learned to value other people’s voices above my own. Unknowingly, I’ve learned to censor my voice, at times, into complete obscurity.

(As I write this, I’m hit by the enormity of this statement. I listen to my inner voice but this time I choose not to censor it. I just let her say exactly what’s on her mind -

“Fu***************!”

There, that’s better.)

Some of the people I admire most in the world (by the way, my sister is one of them) speak their minds freely and live their lives by their own standards, not society’s. Take a moment to think of your role models — I am willing to bet that the one thing they have in common is that they dared to speak out about something they cared about…even if they didn’t think their voice was all that unique.

As the new year kicks off, I’m making a promise to speak up and listen a little less. I love being an impactainment producer (huh? what’s that? — more on that in another post) and I adore working in the entertainment industry. Breaking into Hollywood hasn’t been a walk in the park but the trials and tribulations I’ve experienced in my career are precisely why I have something to add to the conversation.

This blog will be my outlet to do just that. Each post will center around my experiences working in entertainment — the good, the bad, the ugly…and the occasionally glamorous. I’ll also explore how to transform things in the industry that just aren’t working and share about how a new generation of filmmakers are shifting the way content is made through mindful (kick-ass) practices. By sharing my voice, my goals are to peak curiosity, inform, and start an open dialogue.

If you want to read my musings, simply follow me on Medium. If you have comments or questions about storytelling, the filmmaking process, Hollywood, how to break in (or how to break out), please reach out. I look forward to hearing your voices and sharing mine. To our success!